is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
