He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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