i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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