1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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