and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
