You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
