I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
