Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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