After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
