So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
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you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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