her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
