your room smells of hookers.
And success
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
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