i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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