whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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