i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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