a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize