my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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