Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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