I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
