I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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