dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
