Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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