My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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