Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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