He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
