Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
