I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
