Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
