I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The best revenge is premature balding
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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