Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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