Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
