I understand Curling. That high.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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