11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think i got beer on your cat.
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