I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
