The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
