I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
