So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
