why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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