While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
