Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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