we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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