I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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