Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
