Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
