She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Someone came in the potted fern
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
