I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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