Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
