You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
