Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
