now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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