this beer tastes like vomit already
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish you could order shots online.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
