Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
