I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize