I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
