So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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