I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize