...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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