TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he puts the penis in happiness.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
