I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
